Decisions can seem be big or small, but we never really know their impact until we make a choice and see the consequences/improvements. I haven’t had the best repertoire of making big decisions in my life the past 4 years or so. My choices ended me up in the army (which I hated), various mental hospitals, moving three times within 2 years, and finally where I think I’m supposed to be now. I’m back in school working on my Bachelor’s degree, I’m in a healthy, stable relationship with my boyfriend, and my therapy has been going better than I could have imagined. However, there is still my living situation. I’m close to being in my mid-twenties and still living with “parent figures” (I say that because they’re like really chill adoptive parents). Which is totally fine for now, but at some point I need to move out and start my own life. I’m independent in almost every way, I pay my own bills, drive my own car, and can do most of the tasks “adulting” requires. The one thing missing has been me not having moved out of my “parent’s” house.
As you can imagine, a decision of where to live, who to live with, and when to move out is not something that weighs lightly on my mind. A) Do I get a 1 bedroom by myself? B) Do I get a roommate? C) Do I move in with my boyfriend? D) Or do I stay living at my folks house because I’m paralyzed of making the wrong choice?
I’ve been choosing D by the way.
I certainly don’t feel equipped to make the decision on my own. So, clueless little me, goes to everyone I can think of for advice. Add it up, I received over 10 people’s perspective on my situation. Every conversation sways me in a different direction, until I’ve completely lost what I thought I wanted in the first place. It’s like I’m playing piñata where there are multiple piñatas with a fun twist -one holds a bomb inside- and I’m blindfolded and being spun around over and over and over again, wielding a bat and told I need to hit one of the large, hanging objects dangling in front of me, hoping I don’t get blown up. Sounds a little overdramatic, but this is the way my brain thinks…
Anyway, I feel like whatever decision I make, half of the people in my life will disapprove. If I make a different decision, then the other half will disapprove. I put a tremendous amount of weight on my family and close friends’ approval of my decisions. I just want to do what’s right.
But in order to do what’s right, you have to figure out what IS right. Is the right decision what your gut feeling is? Is it the logical decision your rational brain computes after making a pros and cons list? Is it what your parents say because they have your best interest in mind? Is it what your most trusted peers say who have experience in this particular area? Is it the sense you get from God when you pray about it? But am I wishfully praying for something different from what God wants? What if the Bible isn’t clear about what I’m supposed to do??
I feel like I may not need advice from others anymore about this decision. I need to learn how to listen to my inner wisdom of what’s best for me. I need to learn to trust myself, or else all my decisions in life won’t be what I want, but what I think other people want me to choose. I guess I’m waiting for a sense of inner peace to guide me to the right decision. It sounds really wishy-washy or whatever, but I think there may be some truth to listening to what your heart tells you. I had an overwhelming sense of peace when I decided to move back to Pennsylvania and reunite with my boyfriend. I followed my heart. Some others’ advice favored me staying in Virginia, but in the end, it was my choice to make because I would have to live with it. Before I even moved, I had peace that it was the best decision for me. And once I moved, it further confirmed what I believed to be true. And I don’t regret it for a second. I need a break from others’ opinions and advice for a little bit so I can listen for where peace is leading me.
For years, I couldn’t trust or listen to my instincts. I’m slowly learning to recognize the difference between other people’s opinions and views on what’s best for me, and what I know is best for me.
I think making decisions that may be unpopular with others, but you feel are best is a part of being an independent adult. I’m thankful for all the people close to me who have supported me throughout the years on my winding path of life. I’m blessed to have family and friends who give me guidance as well as unconditional love. And most of all, my number one supporter, my encouragement, my sunshine, my spiritual leader, my inspiration, my motivator, the man who I can trust to always desire my best interest, my wonderful boyfriend.
I appreciate you all as you continue to support me as I attempt to find the straight path.